Òran claidheamh Ailein

[Màiri na Coille]

Moved this from the Bilingual thread to here, at poormouse's suggestion. By the way, thanks poormouse for finding Acsail Koehler's page on Alan Breck Stewart--loved reading it. Also thanks Seonaidh for your ramble on genitives! It made sense after I read it a couple times.

Okay, so here's the English of the poem by Stevenson I was trying to trnslte:

This is the song of the sword of Alan;
The smith made it,
The fire set it;
Now it shines in the hand of Alan Breck.

Their eyes were many and bright,
Swift were they to behold,
Many the hands they guided:
The sword was alone.

The dun deer troop over the hill,
They are many, the hill is one;
The dun deer vanish,
The hill remains.

Come to me from hills of heather,
Come from the isles of the sea.
O far-beholding eagles,
Here is your meat.

Here is my trnsltn attempt:

Seo an t-òran a' chlaidheamh Ailean,
Rinn an gobha e,
Chruadhich an teine e,
Deàlreach e a-nis anns an laimh Ailean Breac.

Bha sùilean aca mòran agus soilleir,
Bha iad luath a dh'fhaicinn,
Threòraich iad làmhan mòran:
Bha an claidheamh na h-aonar.

Triall na fèidh dhonn thairis air a' chnoc,
Tha na fèidh mòran, tha an chnoc na h-aonar;
Rach às an t-sealladh na fèidh dhonn,
Fuirich an cnoc.

Thig à na cnuic an fhraoich,
Thig à na h-eileanan na muir.
A iolairan fad-fhradharcach,
Seo do fheòil.

Here is Acsail Koehler's trnsltn:

Seo òran chlaidheamh Ailein,
is e an gobha a rinn e,
is e an teine a leag e,
a nise, deàrrsaichidh e ann an làimh Ailein Bhric.

Is lìonmhor agus soilleir a bh' an cuid sùilean,
is ann luath a bha 'd ri amharc,
is iomadh làimh a stiùirich iad:
Bha an claidheamh na aonar.

Tha na fèidh donn a' siùbhal thar a' chnuic.
Tha iadsan lìonmhor, tha 'n cnoc na aonar.
Theirigidh na fèidh donn,
is an cnoc a' fantail.

Trobhadaibh 'ugam o na cnuic fhraoich,
thigibh a nall o eileanan na mara.
A iolairean geur-shùileach,
seo dhuibh an fheòil.

Okay--I'll just take a couple lines at a time. So in the first stanza, I had,

Rinn an gobha e,
Chruadhich an teine e,

Acsail has,

is e an gobha a rinn e,
is e an teine a leag e,

What's the difference and why is the second one better?

[poor_mouse]

Rinn an gobha e,
Chruadhich an teine e

That's neutral phrase without any stress or emphasizing. It would be just as easily about the fact that the smith made it (and didn't buy it), or about the fact that he made it (and not some other thing).

is e an gobha a rinn e,
is e an teine a leag e

Here "an gobha", "an teine" are emphasized: that's the smith who made it etc.
In Gaelic such emphasized phrases are more usual than in English, they sounds very natural and are rather preferable.

[Seonaidh]

In Gaelic such emphasized phrases are more usual than in English

Definitely not so. What you meant to say was probably something like, "In Gaelic word order is often used to emphasize part of a phrase, whereas in English it is more usual to use voice pitch".

[Màiri na Coille]

Ah, that makes sense. I guess I'll get used to this different method of emphasizing as I keep learning.

Next question: In the last line of the first stanza, I have "anns an làimh", Acsail has "ann an làimh". I have always been a little bit confused as to when "anns" can be used and when not. Could you just help me clarify?

[poor_mouse]

In Gaelic such emphasized phrases are more usual than in English

Definitely not so. What you meant to say was probably something like, "In Gaelic word order is often used to emphasize part of a phrase, whereas in English it is more usual to use voice pitch".

Ceart, a Sheonaidh!

[GunChleoc]

Next question: In the last line of the first stanza, I have "anns an làimh", Acsail has "ann an làimh". I have always been a little bit confused as to when "anns" can be used and when not. Could you just help me clarify?

The genitive strikes again - because "Ailein Bhric" follows, you can't have the article with "làimh" - note that the s in "anns an" is the article hiding in there.